Wheelchairs and Ouija and Pink Letters Oh My!

Ouijamistress.com

Header for the new website. Artwork/design by Adam Sendek; Chowderhead Graphics

May get my new Ouija site up this week. Oh sure you’ve been hearing this for a month. It’s become as annoying as your mom shouting ‘Did you bring out ALL your white laundry to the washer? I found a sock under your bed last week. Jesus it was crunchy, how long had it been there?!’
Used to just stare at my brother and walk away. With a little shudder in my step.


April 8 2014
Facebook: Spanky’s Wine Bar Group
via T. Wade Paul

Jazzy Wheelchair for The Wench
Hi Spankers ! Good news, just got off of phone with the Pain Joy…..we stalled at $1100 for Rachael’s chair….We are buying this used chair for her and a car carrier…..which will leave her with 300 bucks….
we will buy a beater chair for the burn with that so her new chair stays nice….A very warm thank you for your efforts…..WE WIN !


April 12
Facebook: Spanky’s Wine Bar Group
Via Jim Hillas

R.C. Black is Rollin'!

Get me some spinners and LEDs ma’ man

Our beloved, buxom, slender, sardonic, sexy Piano Wench! Learning about, and riding on her new Jazzy power chair.


Listen Up. This is Important

In 5 days a miracle occurred. Life saved and changed in the blink of a giant’s eye. I’d had dark thoughts these past weeks. Darker than usual. Out of nowhere, an entire band of beautiful amazing people knocked me on my ass in surprise. With kindness, not sociopathic behavior! Two Spankers, happy Burning Man camper buds, put a page up on FaceBook called ‘Get The Wench Some Wheels.’ You can see what was achieved. Fastest fundraiser in history swear to god. I’m on a roll and gettin’ ‘er done. Check it out.

The past 5 years have convinced me I’m working off Karma from that one past life when I was Eva Braun. Hey, wasn’t that dirndl-wearing freak dead by the time she was 40? In a ditch, covered with petrol? On her wedding day? By the time she was my age she’d been dead for 12 years.
Huh. Maybe I ran over a squirrel or something.

After a few years of waffling (Mmmmm waffles) I decided to clean up my credit. Apparently renting a new apartment requires that I pay to have my own credit report run. Not that living with mom is bad

Alfred Hitchcock impersonates me. Living with my parents.

Jesus. Might as well buy a new house with all the paperwork required. Oh I can’t. My credit is tattered. So I went to FREECreditFREEKarmaInsertCreditFREECardNumberHereFREEItIsFREENoReally.Com
Already know what’s on there.
Purchased three summer homes and twelve new sports cars. For physicians and hospital CEOs. You’d think they’d at least invite me over.
There’s the huge Wall-O-Notation which represents the end of life with PsychoFuck(TM), the second ex-husband. That boulder will be expunged from Experian in another year or so. Trading that asshat for financial ruin was the best deal ever made.
I don’t need all that stuff left behind in Michigan. All I need is this chair…and that thermos. Maybe the lamp.
the jerk

Does a potential creditor gives a flying f*ck that until the past 5 years you had Excellent Grade A Prime credit history? Paid in full mortgages? Obscenely high credit card limits; none ever close to being maxed out, or even carrying a balance? No. It’s always ‘what have you done for me lately?’ Killjoys.

The pink letters. What’s that all about? C’mon you’ve all had a utility shut off at least once. Probably due to forgetting the bill. was due. So the pink? Do corporate interest-suckers feel it’s calming so we’ll open it to find a baby shower announcement?
Not that anyone in their right mind wants to attend a baby shower.

Shouldn’t the final notices be Institutional Green? Hell, I’d open that baby ASAP.  It’s the color of checks. And money. No more debtor’s prison. You just can’t obtain a place to live.  Not even slimy welfare-mother-knife-wielding-ex-con low income housing. No Soup for You!
What’s in your wallet?
Dear god I hope it’s not a Baldwin.
wha's in your wallet motherfcker samuel jackson

 

Right now Badness is Banished! Thoughtful, busy, beautiful people have shown their smiles and concern. These I consider my real family. Besides the Spankers, some of my dearest FB Only friends contributed to the Jazzy. Grand long-time friends too. Wow. I Believed only cute little kids with FDR leg braces or cancer received donations. Bliss and surprise came at THE PERFECT TIME.
The night before the chair unveiling I got a call from Mayor Joey.  He’s explained how fat and disgusting I am on three prior occasions over the past couple of years. This time it was my apparent ugliness that explained my boyfriend woes.
‘Well no wonder P~ fell in love with S~ and dumped you! She’s beautiful!
‘What are you saying Mayor?’
“Well he’d never have a chance to sleep with a woman that beautiful otherwise!”
‘R~ you’re beautiful on the inside. Your personality shines blah blah blah.-repeat- So I love ‘ya!’ My Achilles heel is on fire. Was wishing he’d die in it at that point.
The guy gets mean when he drinks. He drinks a lot. Have to remember that.

Some people will never be happy. The only happiness they receive is by belittling others to make themselves feel superior. I don’t believe there’s a soul alive who hasn’t suffered random cruelty doled out by people with this character defect. I learned of a buttload more pathological goodness that the ex had dished out about me around this time. Thought about putting him in the Bonfire with The Mayor but I’m shrugging it off now. I forgive easily.

It was the Katrina before the calm. Karma has swung on back my way. The world’s axis has tilted in my favor. I’m that good. With friends like the ones I have, no one, and nothing, will run me over and leave me as roadkill again.
The Ouija site will get up and running. Am already beginning Hazmet clean-up of the credit debacle. Actively looking for a place to live, alone, and happily. Perhaps in San Francisco.

Need to keep on racking up those Good Karma Points. Mostly though, I don’t deal well with hate, being angry with people or mental gymnastics at 3:00 a.m.
Not only that, I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like me.

I do my best to help others. Whenever I can. I LIKE it! Making people happy is a rare opportunity. If you’re happy then I’m happy. While drinking I did my share of hurting people I love. As making my amends continues fate is casting a wink at me. My beloved Spankers and friends shocked, surprised and delighted the hell outta me with the power wheelchair. Who knew being sent to the electric chair would be so hot? Tears of joy kids. I’d do the same for any of these people, naturally. Just never believed that anyone would do something this extraordinary for me.
The morning of the Jazzy Chair Unveiling and Announcement I had awoken feeling destitute, trapped in a prison cell, in miserable pain, unable to get Ancient HTML Of The Gods to work, and of course fat and ugly.
The stunning generosity of friends immediately changed that downbeat shit to an air of strength that has not left me since.
I’m a card-carrying Genius, friends overflow with support and love, there is a roof over my head, it’s warm in here and I’m too sexy for my cat.
There’s a new chapter in life coming soon. I experienced a real miracle/transformation, found that alleged Bliss. It’s now 11:11 so here’s a wish: may everyone experience the highest of their dreams.
Even the Ex and The Mayor.

I don’t believe in gods but I do believe in people.
Thank you to everyone who helped, and thank you to everyone who Liked the page which was envisioned by Trenton and set up by eLeM (Lisa-Marie). I love you. So I can love myself. Long time.

~Miss R

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30 thoughts on “Wheelchairs and Ouija and Pink Letters Oh My!

    • Hi Val! Cracked up at your advice for Karma. Yeah baby, l totally agree. Looks like all the Good Karma Points I have accumulated through life are just now coming into play.
      Jesusmaryandjoseph it’s about time lol.
      Thanks for the comment my friend. You know it’s always wonderful to see you Val
      xoxoxo

      Like

  1. R.C., you are INcredible. I’m so happy I met you through our favorite Chowderhead. Your new wheels fucking ROCK. Let’s collaborate on something–something weird and nutty.

    Like

    • Eva: Incredible? More like INsane. Still far batter than INsync.
      Our Chowderhead rocksw. Cheers to Adam for introducing us. Dug your piece on Aliens taking care of earth’s gun problem heh.
      I’d SO dig a collaboration with you. We could do a project, post, Haiku or maybe even a brunch menu.
      Took a look at the Nudge Wink Report. You’re in some kick-ass company; thereby making you Kick-ass. I know tom from Shouts From The Abyss. Funny dude.

      Your surreal world view seems a fine match for my own. Let’s do lunch.
      Okay, let’s message. Thank you so very much for stopping by. Cool to see you.
      xo

      Like

    • No Dirndles for YOU! -whew- thank god eh?
      Yeah is my life on a Roll or what? ark ark ark. My new site should be up no later than Thursday, the wheelchair is all charged up and, well, so am I.
      It’s nice.
      Thank you for coming on by 🙂

      Like

  2. Wow you sexy so and so Rachael,
    I can see that you will be getting up
    to all kinds of wicked mischief and
    that doesn’t include all those new
    moves you’ve been perfecting 😉

    Actually I Think you look naughtier
    than ever, if that’s possible? Damn
    of course it is and this awesome
    plan of getting The Wench, that’s you,
    these cool wheels was a brilliant one 🙂

    I know that I waffle on a bit but I love
    your wickedness, your spanking jokes,
    the awesomeness, your yummy and so
    perfectly formed boo… Did someone
    say boots? Well I like them too 😉 🙂

    I am so happy that you are feeling okay
    Rachael and you are one hell of a brave
    and sexy lady, hey don’t be getting too
    comfy there is a Spank-O-Meter out there
    with your name on it, so now you know 😉

    Andro xxxx

    Like

    • Andro, you always give me the giggles and a grin. Oh, you so get me 🙂
      Many thanks for the great words of encouragement and ESPECIALLY the compliments. Am trying to get better at taking them 🙂 It’s all looking good now. The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades…
      xxx

      Like

      • And so you should get better at taking them for they are truly meant and besides if you don’t I will have to charge up the Spank-O-Meter, ahhhhhh but then you would on there the whole time 😉 lol

        Have a wicked rest of weekend
        and remember be good, just like me 🙂

        Andro xxxx

        Like

  3. Ooooooh. I’m liking Fabulous. It’s what I strive for Don. Wait until I get that chair all tricked out. Trying to figure out how to rig a propane tank and flame shooter to the ‘beater’ chair I’ll have at Burning Man.
    Yes. There WILL be pictures.
    ~MUAH!~

    Like

  4. I’m so glad you got that chair. And the fact that it has helped you turn a corner, that’s super. No one can hold you back now! Now if I can only get those rocket boosters working, you’ll be able to conquer the world!

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  5. Binky!!!! -Hug Hug hug-.
    Next project: Need to save for a little pick-up truck with a hitch.maybe by next year I’ll get the money together. That’s not too long. Noooo I can’t drive, but, the wheelchair carrier the guys got me will fit on a standard hitch. If I can, am willing to pay insurance on the thing, just so I can sweet-talk my way into rides outta this burg! Bonus: Put a camper on that baby for Burning Man and find another camper in the Sacramento or Reno area who is willing to drive, to get a ride! Lots of people begin posting ads around June.
    that’s for 2015.
    For 2014 I’m waiting for those rocket boosters from Fraz and Flame throwers from you!

    Wheeeeeeee!! I’m Free 🙂
    Speaking of corners I’m still learning to take them without chipping the plaster and wood from the door frames hehehehe.
    Mom hasn’t noticed. Yet. -gulp-

    Like

    • The pickup with a hitch sounds like a great idea! You’ll need one of those magnetic signs you can put on the sides: Free pickup with a hitch if you’ll take the witch! Think of all the adventures you could go on!

      We’re still working on those rocket boosters and flame throwers. Technical difficulties and burning the house down have set us back a bit.

      One good thing about older parents is they can’t see things so well anymore.

      Like

      • Oh no! Good thing it was the Three Little Wombies and not the There Little Pigs!

        Love your sign idea. It shall be adopted..
        You’re right about older parent’s eyesight. All older parents except …MY MOTHER. She has Super eyes in the back of her head Powers to this day.
        Meanwhile my step-dad can’t see where he left his shoes. When they’re on his feet. Heck he can’t remember where he left his feet.
        Big Fun at my house!

        Like

        • No rest for the wicked, I see. Perhaps you can bribe Victor and Victoria to to a little plaster patching. Does your mother wear glasses? Maybe V&V could surreptitiously exchange them for a weaker prescription.

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  6. What the hell is wrong with the Mayor guy… before I reached that point in this post, I was seriously thinking: “Man, you look hot! Sexy legs, great smile, hair… and a personality to wither others.” Fuck the ex, fuck the mayor… actually, let someone else fuck them, you can do much better! So happy for you R! The wheels are hot, your attitude rocks, and I see good things in your future… Sorry I’ve been lame, but I’ve had a bit of a black cloud following me since December. Not the clusterfuck dark cloud you got, but a little one, that packed a punch. I think we’re both on our way back to finding our mojo and a new phase of good karma! See what your Ouija board says about that! 😉 xox

    Like

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